We don't live in Missouri

I know I have been such a slacker with this blog lately. In my defense, we were sick for most of this past month and, prior to that, I was working my ass off in photography gigs and Avon. Something had to give. It was either the blog or feeding the kids.


CPS kind of scares me, with my history as a social worker and all, so the blog lost. Sorry folks, some things have to be done.


But, I HAVE to update it tonight. Because, if I don't, I will kick myself fifteen years from now when I am trying to remember the following conversation and won't be able to recall it correctly. And, honestly, this is something for the books.


I had a photo shoot scheduled this afternoon. It was a quickly thrown together one, since mom called me on Saturday, gushing that she HAD to get her son's senior pictures taken ASAP or he wouldn't be in the year book. Of course, he could only do it right after school this afternoon only. I explained I would have my boys with me and, as long as she didn't mind that, I could do it. She happily agreed and the appointment was set. Keeping my kids and the shoot in mind, I chose two parks to shoot in. Both have playgrounds nearby that the boys could play at while I was shooting the big kid. I waited until this afternoon to tell the boys they would, for the first time ever, get to come on a shoot with me (they always want to go with me, but never want to sit for me themselves. Typical.) and that it was going to be at a park. They were ecstatic, of course and couldn't wait to get ready to go. I bundled them up carefully because it is damn cold outside and, as you all know, the wind never freaking stops blowing in South Dakota. It's nice in the summer, but in the winter, the wind is bitter and biting. I hate it. But, you have read my rants about that, so I won't go there now. All you need to know is that my kids were bundled up big time to keep them warm and cozy while they played and mommy worked.


Once I got them into the truck and buckled into their seats, Bryce began questioning where we were going. I didn't want to confuse him too much, as we had never been to one of the parks we were headed to, so I kept it simple.


"We're actually going to two places. First, we are going to McHardy, and then a new park."


Bryce: "A new park? Where is the new park?"


Me: "I'll show you when we get there. It's pretty cool."


Bryce: "What's it called?"


I sighed, knowing he was going to get confused and prepared to answer the same question over and over again. It's how his mind works, how he figures things out. He asks the same question, with slight variations, repeatedly until something in his brain clicks and he gets it.


"It's called the Big Sioux park."


"Zoo? We are going to the zoo? Hey, Bubba, hear that? Mommy's doing her photo shoot at the zoo!" Brady starts to excitedly chatter about the zoo and going to see the bears first.


Me: "No. No, not the zoo. the Big Ssssssioux. It's right here in Brandon. We aren't going into Sioux Falls today."


Bryce: "Well, where is it? How come we never been there?"


Me: "Because I didn't realize they had a play park there until this weekend. But, they do, so we are going there, too. But first, we are going to the other park."


Bryce: "But, where is the new park? I never seed it before. How do you know where it is? DO they have monkeys there?"


Me: "It's by Ben's school. It's ok, I know where it is. I went there this weekend to check it out with another family for their photo shoot. It's a cool place, you'll like it. But, they don't have monkeys. It isn't a zoo, it's the Big Sioux. No animals ,except maybe a Sandy (squirrels. My kids call all squirrels Sandy thanks to the Spongebob cartoon) or two. That's as exotic as it gets today, honey. But, they do have a big play park you can play on while mommy takes pictures. I want you to play on the play park at both parks while I take pictures, ok? No fighting with Brady, either. Just play nice and we will be done quick." I was already getting tired of his questions and predicted them to never end since he was now hung up on the Big Sioux being a zoo. I knew he would, the words are too similar for his brain to grasp a slight variation in how they sound. It was going to take him seeing the Big Sioux to get it. Until then, I knew the questions would never stop pelting me as his little brain tried to grasp why the zoo and Sioux were not one and the same. He completely surprised me by going on a tangent. This is another cute characteristic of my Love Bugs. He is easily distracted and always has been.


Bryce: "What's the other park we are going to? The one with the bridge?"


Me: "McHardy Park. But, you can't go across the bridge today. I want you to stay on the same side of the river as I am, ok? So, when we get there, don't ask about crossing the bridge. Just stay by the sandbox and swings and play with Bubba, please."


Bryce: "Carney Park?" The image of poorly dressed men and toothless, busty women in rags wandering through McHardy Park and calling it home had me grinning. The city of Brandon would never allow such a thing, which made it all the more funnier.


Me: "Yes, McHardy Park. We are going there first."


Bryce: "Ok. I know where that is. Just follow my erections and I can tell you how to get there."


I lost it then. I couldn't help it. The giggle just erupted from my lips before I could stop it.


Bryce: "No, I really, really know how to get there. I will give you erections and you can drive, ok?"


Full out laughter now. I had to brake in the driveway to control myself before I could even think of driving further. Bryce had no clue what he had said to tickle my funny bone and I wasn't about to clue him in. Once my giggles settled to only occurring once every few minutes, I explained that he could give me d-d-d-die-rections and that would be great. He got it right then, but I giggled the whole rest of the way over to the park. When I got there, of course, I had to call his father.


"Oh, hey babe, just wanted to let you know your son gave me erections to McHardy Park just now."


"Oh, Jesus. Did you tell him we don't live in Missouri and that's more than illegal in all fifty states, but most especially South Dakota?" The giggles started all over again.


Because, even on my craziest days, my guys know how to make me laugh. And I love them even more for that.