Resolutions

I have made a list of New Year's resolutions. I make one each year, but usually keep it to myself. But, THIS year, I am sharing them with everyone. Because I hope it will help me to keep track of them and then, when I talk about doing something, you will know where the heck it came from. SO, a peek into the depths of my mind and my goals. Feel lucky. I don't often let many people in this far.


Resolution #1: Start thinking and acting more positively.
I have spent some time around people who are so peaceful, they make ME feel peaceful just being around them. I feel calm and quiet and all is right in the world. I began to wonder at this recently and began closer observations of them when I was near. It occurred to me why one day when I was bitching up a storm about life and there this person sat, quietly listening with a smile on her face. When I finished, she grinned, winked at me and found the silver lining to each and every item I had been bitching about. Now, I am one who often tries very hard to see the silver lining in things. But, sometimes it's just dang hard. But, there was more about this person as I thought more on our conversation that day. She never, ever, says a bad thing about anyone. Ever. And so, it occurred to me: be nice, be respectful, be kind, and be positive and I will be peaceful. So, this is my goal for the new year. To start thinking and acting more positive. No more unkind words about anyone, even in jest, and I will try and focus my thoughts more positively, as well. Is it going to happen overnight? Pretty much, no (otherwise, I wouldn't have called my husband a tard baby this morning). But, it's something I want to work on and will continue to work on. And, along the way, will hopefully find more peace.


Resolution #2: finish my book.
Yes, I am writing a book. It's fiction. It's all over the place and I am continually changing it from the original idea I had more than ten years ago(though I just started writing it this year). And, this year, I want to finish it.


Resolution #3: Get the weight off
It's on my list every year. And each year, I do really well losing 5 or 10 pounds. But, never the full amount I really need to lose. This is going to be my year. Eventually, I will feel comfortable enough posting just how much I really need to lose and where I am at with that, but not right now. It makes me VERY vulnerable and I already have low self esteem, so don't ask.


Resolution #4: Run a marathon.
Actually, I'd like to run 4 this year, but I am not going to go crazy here and think that is fully doable where I am at right now, so I am going to plan for one and if more happen, then so be it. I am going to start the couch to 5k program again (www.c25k.com) in the hopes that this helps with resolution #3. And, to show off my mad skills and hard work, I want to run a marathon. Along with this resolution, I want to start and actually finish the c25k program. Oh, and I hate to sweat and be hot. Also, running is really not a forte of mine. I am really rather clumsy. But, I am willing to give it a go and have high expectations of succeeding.


Resolution #5: Quit all of my unnecessary jobs.
I started selling Avon to help supplement our income and to help me feel like I was contributing something to the family finances. Having worked since I was 14, I felt VERY guilty just up and quitting everything and becoming solely dependent on my husband for everything. And then, this past year, I decided to try and have a go at professional photography. What I discovered about both and myself in the process of running two businesses from home were very interesting. First of all, it takes A LOT of work to make a home business work. Secondly, being a saleswoman is just not in me. I am not pushy and feel guilty calling people all of the time asking for orders. And, finally, depending on people to spend money so YOU can make money is not a great way to make money. Because, in the end, when you total your time, your energy, and the gas money you spent for the piddly amount you ultimately make, in the long run, you lose. Especially when you consider your time to be worth the most. Not only that, but I am considering the time of my boys, as well. With Avon, they were with me,helping me, deliver the books and orders. And, it just isn't fair to ask that of them. They are little and I want them int he park, playing on the monkey bars and the slide and not in my truck working Avon. In addition, people are, quite frankly, a pain in the ass about make up and pictures. They were always in a rush to get the product or the books, and never in a rush to place those orders. So, ultimately, I was constantly losing. This isn't a good thing for my positivity outlook, so I am ending both. Now, I am just a mom with a great camera who takes awesome pictures of her beautiful kids. And, if anyone wants some makeup, Avon ladies are a dime a dozen. I am sure they will find someone, somewhere.


Resolution #6: no more eating out.
Ok, maybe not ever again, but definitely not as much as we have been. I know that my crazy work schedule and complete exhaustion has created a monster here, and I want to kill the beast. Therefore, I am setting a limit of no more than twice a month. My arteries will surely thank me.


Resolution #7: More couple time.
Get your minds out of the gutter. What I want with this resolution is for Trav and I to spend more time together as a couple. I love my kids more than my own life. But, in the past six years, they have had a babysitter maybe four times. The last time Travis and I were out as just a couple for a date was two years ago on our anniversary. Granted, we have gone to a rushed dinner twice while the kids were at Awana this year, but the time was spent mostly discussing who had to be where that week and watching the clock so we could make sure to be back in Brandon to pick the boys up on time. Not such a great date. My goal is to try at least once a quarter (meaning every three months) of a night out with just my hubby. I am sure it will bring us even closer than we are and will also give the kids a fun night with a babysitter. Now, if I can just let go of the Mama Bear in me that believes they aren't safe with anyone other than myself and I can move on this one. Hand me a paper bag. I may need it.


Resolution #8: finish painting the house.
I have had the paint bought for almost 2 years now. I still need to get some for the bathroom and my bedroom. But, it needs to be done. And this is the year it will get done. Now that I am not going to be spending my days in my truck running all over hell and back, I will have plenty of time for painting. The white walls really do drive me crazy.


Resolution #9: work on my self confidence and self esteem.
I have struggled with it my entire life. I know I am a good person. I just don't always believe it. I have incredible guilt over the stupidest things and it just eats away at me. I don't know why, it's just the way I am. And, I am always quick to forgive others for menial mistakes, but never myself. I am working on that and will spend the rest of this year working harder on it. For those of you psychoanalyzing me, knock it off. I have a degree in that and could go on and on about it all. But, I am just not ready to bear my soul all that much. Besides, if I did, I would probably feel guilty about it.


Resolution #10: have fun every day.
This is for everyone. Me, myself, and I. Oh, and my family and friends, too. Every day, I want to do something fun. It may be silly and crazy, or calm and relaxing. Whatever it is, I want to have fun doing it and enjoy myself.





SO, there you have it. My resolutions for the year 2010. I know not all of them officially count as resolutions and are more goals than anything. But, ultimately, isn't that what a resolution is? Now, in twelve months, let's hope I can come back here a healthier, happier, thinner me ready to take on a whole new list of goals and plans.